My nightmares from watching TWD has given me a picture of myself fending off walkers with a single stainless steel fork and an old wooden bench inside a McDonald's branch. The situation looked even more pathetic with my sister with me, holding a bread knife as a weapon. I can remember telling her, "I read your diary 6 years ago. Your spelling sucks. We're going to die now.". They say you can control the outcome of your own nightmares, but heck, that never came to mind. Controlling the situation using the power of my subconscious was too far-fetched as I struggle to keep more than 30 walkers at bay.
I have embraced the reality that I could never survive a zombie apocalypse, given my lack of survival skills and my hefty Stay Puft Marshmallow Man physique. After all, I'd rather be buried six feet down the dirt than walk through the earth looking like something badly in need of stitching and a dozen showers.
I've come up with a list that most of us would probably miss during an apocalypse. Hope it makes sense though (because it honestly does, to me):
1. Companionship
If it weren't for my sister joining me in the nightmare, I would have dreamt Michonne were with me (and my choice of weapon, the ever-helpful fork)
2. Fastfood
Who doesn't (living) love the smell of a Big Mac™?
3. Buffets
Let's just put it right here. No explanation needed. (There's no photo because I know you've been there, done that)
4. Romance
No one has time for hearts and flowers.
5. Showers
Not this way, though.
"You've been in there for 3 hours!" |
You can't shout "Leave me alone" and expect to get it in an instant. There's always this one herd of zombies that are out to get you for every 10 minutes of an episode.
Right you are, Daryl. |
If PMS were an accent, every survivor would be considered a woman now.
Sleeping in on a weekend is a luxury.
"Who hid my twinkies?" |
9. Being a tad bit ladylike
Remember that lady you used to really, really like?
Well, she's dead now. But I have a gun. Wanna touch it?
Lift it, Swayze! |
Not my guilty pleasure.
Grandpa had always been a believer of life after death |
Everyone keeps re-spawning like Zeus' attention-forsaken kids. It's getting old.
12. PIZZA.
Hey Rick, do you know where I can get one of those walker bites? Expired dog food is just not working out for me at the moment.
13. Going to your 8-hour shift at work and catering to your personal lifestyle
We'll live like pigs now because it's the most appropriate lifestyle. And you'll miss Gary the maintenance guy, who eats human guts for food now, by the way.
"Look Ma, no hands!" |
14. A peaceful drive.
15. First world problems
All the problems you've had before from an hour-long traffic to a book report you forgot to do last night is just as meaningless as that shapeless skirt you bought for a few more bucks you were willing to spend on one article of clothing.
"Wa-taaaaaah.." - Bad Lip Reading |
16. Water
You're starting to miss that bottle of water you left in the theater because it "doesn't match your outfit". Yeah, that's me.
"I thought you said I could shoot anyone?" |
17. Kids being cute 24/7
Kids have had a say in the weapons department since the beginning of the outbreak.
"OH MY GOD, can I get your autograph? And a finger, too. If you'll be so kind." |
18. Attention that you actually like/appreciate
19. You can't dress to impress anymore or do your laundry
No one can pass off "human in need of shower" as a new scent.
20. Scaredy cats
Shouting "Zombies!" and then hiding is considered immature now. The guy who panics in these types of situations are the ones most likely to be eaten alive first. Your choice.
21. Doing everything with your smart phone
Let's face it, you spent more time playing with your phone than thinking this could actually happen. (I don't think and hope this won't happen at all)
"Two weeks 'til the expiration date? You dog!" |
22. A decent meal
Except if you're vegan, of course.
No surprises here |
23. Accidentally stepping on fresh dog feces in the morning
Let's face it, there might even be no more dogs alive, the reason why we ate that can of "beef stew" last night.
24. Ice cream
Frankly because they've either gone expired or have become a slosh of unrecognizable cream and water
25. A hand to hold
That does not scratch or bite back.
Phew! This has got to be the longest post I've ever made in my entire life!
Credits to all the owners of these wonderful GIFs that I carelessly saved and posted.
'Till next week! I've got more catching up to do with Friends. Can you believe I'm still on Season 4?